I left you a couple of days ago explaining that I was checking into bootcamp for a million and one reasons. Now that bootcamp is officially done and dusted I'm back with a lot to share. So much that I decided to split today's post in two to avoid you snoozing away as you read the 73rd paragraph.
As many other bloggers have done during the past week, I want to look back at 2012. I don't know whether it was the possibility of the world ending on December 21st or me being particularly enthusiastic at the beginning of the year, but at the year's onset I gave myself quite an ambitious list of goals that I promised myself I would tick as 'completed' by the end of it. Here I am on the first day of 2013 with all my 'to-do' items completely done and I can't help but be extremely grateful for all of it. Now I don't want to turn this post into one of those 'oh my God look at all the things I've achieved this year, please say congrats to me' entries. It's really not my style. However, I can't help but think that this year I've achieved much more than I initially planned to. In reality, I believe I've achieved much more in one year than I did in my entire lifetime before it! In between Malta Fashion Week, Runway Malta, Essence and Catrice events, store openings and The Death of Snow White press preview, I've had the opportunity to meet and mingle with other fellow local bloggers and create this sense of community amongst us. It's pretty cool! I also hosted two episodes for New Look TV (this and this!), been on one of Malta's most important breakfast shows twice and I was featured on Gadgets Malta as I reviewed an impeccable camera. My writing adventures expanded like never before and I was nominated for a style award. I somehow managed to code the first local fashion blog smartphone application and I published my very first book (also related to fashion!). I collaborated with Oasap, La Redoute and Miss Selfridge. I became an interpreter for the EU, finished my studies and got a good grade in my Masters degree. I ended the year with an invite from the British Fashion Council to attend Men's Fashion Week in 2013. I can't help but admit that 2012 was pretty grand in terms of achievements. Allow me to pat my own back for a couple of seconds. There, there.
In spite of the incredible things I was doing, I can't deny that I have quite a few mixed feelings about 2012 from a personal point of view. Even though my jaw was practically on the floor in awe during the entire year, there was this persistent sense of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment as the months went by. Why was I so melancholic even though I kept succeeding in what I was aiming for? I've grown so much as a person, so much that I needed to bootcamp to catch up with all the changes in my personality. My entire life has been one of manic clothes shopping, endless shoe hauls and one too many skin care sprees, but I think I've come to a point where I realised that there's so much more to life than all of this. Somehow I feel like this sense of personal growth and thirst for a simpler life made me aware that maybe I was stuck with who I was instead of striving to become the person I could be. All of a sudden, I decided to shrink my wardrobe into one that would fit into one (quite large) suitcase, because I want to be one of those crazy women who trot around the world without having a home for too long. I'm tired of my daily tension headaches, skin breakouts, candy binges and having to stop working because I'm anxious about things happening aside. Bootcamp was the perfect time to come to terms with what made me feel so bad, so my main aim was to focus on what I loved and identify what brought me down.
Now that bootcamp is over, my ideas have never been this clear! It took me a couple of sleepless nights and motivational videos to become aware that I'm unfortunately located in a context that doesn't always allow me to enjoy life as it should be. For Christ's sake I don't even have time to wash my hair sometimes and I don't want it to be like that anymore! Now I've finally taken the decision to eliminate (or rather, move away) from the situations that keep giving me a negative outlook on life, and replace them with what makes me truly content. Spending time abroad and being surrounded with very special people and things that I consider to be part of what I really am gave me the final push I've been waiting for years. What I'm trying to say is...
It's time to explore what lies outside the limited borders of this tiny island. It's time to leave.